Let’s be honest: most of us didn’t grow up hearing empowering things about menopause. If anything, it felt like a whispered warning, a looming phase full of hot flushes, mood swings, and silence.
But for many of us, the reality hits harder and more unexpectedly. And often, it hits our relationships right in the guts.
I recently sat down with Lucy to record a podcast about the emotional, relational, and hormonal chaos that perimenopause can bring into relationships. We laughed (a lot), swore (a little), and got real about what this transition means for how we show up as partners, parents, and people.
How perimenopause affects identity and relationships
Perimenopause doesn’t arrive quietly. Well, it definitely hasn’t for me. It crashes through your sense of self.
One minute you’re managing everything – the mental load, the household, the relationships – and the next, you’re struggling to remember words, snapping at your partner, and crying because someone left the milk out.
These changes are physical, yes. But they’re also emotional and relational. Suddenly, you’re questioning who you are, what you need, and whether your relationship still fits the version of you that’s emerging.
If you’re looking for a clinical overview of how menopause impacts the body and mind, this Menopause Overview from The Royal Women’s Hospital is a great starting point.
And if you want a breakdown of common symptoms to help make sense of what you’re experiencing, the Australian Menopause Centre’s symptom list is incredibly helpful.
Why communication breaks down during menopause
We talked about how hard it can be to explain what you’re going through, especially when you don’t fully understand it yourself. And when your partner doesn’t know how to help, or worse, assumes nothing’s changed, it can lead to loneliness or resentment.
But here’s the thing. Menopause can be a relationship truth-teller. It forces conversations you may have avoided. It reveals needs, patterns, and gaps in your connection. It’s a call to recommit, or sometimes, to renegotiate your relationship with honesty and care.
Shifting sexuality and intimacy after 40
A myth we unpacked – one I see often in the therapy room and have experienced myself – is that desire just “dies” in menopause. Not true.
Desire might look different now. It might need a slower pace, more presence, more intentional connection. It might feel emotional rather than spontaneous. But it’s still there, if we give it space and attention.
That shift can actually be an invitation to deepen intimacy during menopause, not reduce it.
Parenting through menopause: why it’s so hard
You’re tired. You’re overstimulated. Your body is doing its own thing. And your kids (who might be neurodivergent, hormonal themselves, or just plain kids) still need you. A lot.
We explored how the emotional load of parenting can feel heavier during this time. And how that often impacts how you show up in your relationships too.
The takeaway? You don’t need to do it all alone. Leaning on your partner, community or friends isn’t failure. It’s survival.
What helps when menopause affects your relationship?
- Communication tools – We both love the Gottman Method for its practical, research-backed ways to improve connection and reduce conflict in couples, especially during big transitions like menopause.
- Self-compassion – This transition can feel brutal, but it’s also an opportunity to listen to your body, your needs, and your truth.
- Support – Whether that’s therapy, a partner who’s willing to learn, or a community of people who get it, support makes everything feel less overwhelming.
Final thoughts: rebuilding relationships during menopause
Menopause isn’t the end of anything. It’s a threshold. A messy, meaningful, sometimes maddening portal into a new phase of life and love. And if you’re in it right now, navigating the hormones, the identity shifts, the intimacy changes, you’re not alone.
This season might ask more of you. But it also offers more clarity, more honesty, and maybe even a stronger relationship than you had before.
If you’re feeling emotionally distant, struggling with communication, or just not sure how to explain what you’re going through, therapy can help.
Want to reconnect?
At Nest Psychotherapy & Counselling, we support couples navigating the emotional and relational impact of perimenopause and menopause. Whether you’re ready to rebuild your connection, improve communication, or just feel seen, we’re here.
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