Firstly, let’s acknowledge that I write this as a cisgender person and all conversations centering on a community are more authentic powerful when they are held by community members. It can be harmful to create dialogue about people when you don’t have lived experience. So, bow to those that do.
What does the word ally even mean?
To be an ally is to care about, affirm and advocate for the equal rights of communities you are not directly a part of.
Why be an ally
The dream would be to not need allyship, and that we live in a world where all are treated equally and there is no need to advocate for particular sections of the community. This is not the case, whilst we see the harmful ways gender non-conforming folks are treated from grass roots to policy making, it is an important and powerful act of hopefulness and love to show your allyship.
How can I be an ally?
Here are some ways you can support our trans community members:
Understand and respect pronouns
Pronouns are terms that we use to describe a person, mine are she/her/hers. A person’s pronouns (What are pronouns?? — TransHub) can change, and it is not something you can assume. This can be a great start to respecting and affirming a person’s gender.
Ask them. Offer yours “Hi I’m Tracy and my pronouns are she/her; would you like to share yours with me?” is a great opener.
As Minus 18 say, “There are lots of reasons it’s important to use the correct pronouns a person prefers, but the simple answer is it can make a person feel pretty shit when you use the wrong ones”
Pronouns / Minus18
Seek out and listen to community members over non community members
All too often in history, certain groups of people with power talk over those with lived experience.
We will receive the authentic picture and have fuller understanding if we seek out people from the trans community to hear from.
For example, I want to communicate the need to have these conversations but as a cis person I will
always seek out the voices of the trans community around me to contribute or edit my work.
A brilliant resource for hearing from the trans community on being an ally is TransHub https://www.transhub.org.au/allies
Display empathy
You may not be able to understand the experience that someone who is questioning their gender is having or know what it feels like to be misgendered or know how unsafe it can feel to use a public bathroom. Below the person’s experience will be a feeling and we can all empathise with people’s feelings. Ask them how they feel, then recall when you have felt this way. Relate to their human experience.
Use your voice
If you see or hear things that are hurtful or harmful, speak up. One way you use your privilege of visibility as a cis person is to share what you know to be true.
I have often been given ‘helpful advice’ to monitor what I share on my social media platform.
People saying things like ‘do you really want to say this or that and alienate the cis or heterosexual community’ HELL YES I DO.
It is important to use my privilege of being able to move through the world as a cis person when a lot of the world will hear me and not listen to a community member. I may receive some backlash. But I have the capacity to do so because I don’t live with that misinformed opinion coming at me day in day out.
You may not be able to speak out because of other barriers you face. Love yourself and care for yourself first and foremost. But whenever you can, use your voice.
You may be able to offer a kind word to someone you know has experienced the pain of being impacted by transphobia. It may be that you speak up against misinformation. It may be that you share words or work of trans folks.
Do what you can, whenever you can.
Learn more here Is being trans a new thing? — TransHub
If you are seeking out a therapist who is gender affirming in their approach, reach out to us and we can help you source practitioners.
