Happy Coming Out Day !!
National Coming out Day, 11th October 2021
https://nationaltoday.com/national-coming-out-day/
In honour of those who have come out, those who haven’t, those who have wanted to but can’t or aren’t safe to (especially you!) For those who have celebrated/thrived/rejoiced in coming out, and those who have feared/lost/hurt in coming out, I wanted to share my coming out journey…Overshare on the way.
I have come out multiple times now over the years.
First when I was 17 and scared, after a year of experiencing internalized homophobia and self hatred, I came out to my Mum in a ball of tears and fear. She is a beautiful human and the BEST Mum in the world, and she was loving and gentle with me. Her message was that I was loved and celebrated fully. My family were affirming and celebrated me. Although my Dad didn’t speak to me for about a year after I came out to him.
Take 2, when I was 22 I ended a long term relationship with a woman and I came out again…as straight. I had felt attraction to a man, and therefore I must be straight, yeah?
I was confused and felt fraudulent and like I didn’t know where my place was.
Both coming out experiences resulted in many lost friendships.
After years of growing into myself, getting to know and love myself, I started to explore my sexual identity again. The rich and sensational diverse group of humans I am surrounded by helped with visibility and language and concepts that helped me embrace and express my sexuality.
Take 3, I came out again, this one was the most special…it was to myself.
I knew I had always been romantically and sexually attracted to people of all gender identities, but I just hadn’t really accepted that I was able to celebrate and embody my sexuality without putting it in to a box and labelling it.
I talked with my straight, cis husband and expressed myself, he responded beautifully by gently saying “Oh, but I thought we always knew this about you”.
I still struggled with words, was I Queer? This mid 40’s chick felt the term was for the younger peeps. Was I Bi? Hmm, it felt too defined for me…then I realized, I didn’t need to know.
I could celebrate the whole me, which includes, but is not solely defined by, my sexuality and I can use whatever term feels comfortable to me that day.
It does confuse people, I am a Queer (today) woman but I am married to a cis, straight male. We are so conditioned to define people and to know what ‘box’ to put them in. Even if we disagree with or rebel against the labels, lots of us do it.
That’s okay, I can confuse people, and guess what? They don’t have to be confused, it’s really none of their business. In the nicest possible way. Don’t question it too much. Unless I am romantically or sexually involved with you (and I am monogamous, so that only applies to my husband) you don’t have to spend even one second worrying about it.
So today on #comingoutday, I take a moment to reflect, rejoice and celebrate my journey.
It has included loss, fear, abandonment, anger, repulsion, from myself and from others.
It has been eclipsed though by joy, connection, desire, visibility, love and PRIDE.
We all have different journeys and experiences and today I also take a moment to reflect and send love to those who’s journey has been different to mine, or those that are unable to or not safe to come out. To you – I see you, you are loved.
In fact, I am sending you a 
big fat rainbow of love today, wrap yourself up in it.
Pic above is of my wonderful best friend/husband and I – #loveislove
If you are struggling and need help, we are here, reach out to my team at Nest hello@nestcounselling.com.au
